He's evolving!

Day: Two Hundred and Four

Photo taken on Monday, February 21, 2011 in Sai while out shopping in St. James at 719pm.

This is one of our pets, Kabuto. We used to take him on trips with us all the time until we got him another Pokemon friend so now he usually just chills on one of our shelves in the Manga Loft instead.

Though today I go and fetch him before we head out to clean off the snow from our vehicles for old times' sake. I guess I'm feeling a bit nostalgic after the dream I have this morning. Because of my web thinking, I start out with an awesome dream about an anime convention and wake up thinking of Kabuto and the connection from Con to Pokemon is pretty simple but it all rests in one man's hand: the first name on our Infidelity Clause List, Travis Willingham. (He totally held Kabuto in his palm for a silly picture for me at Anime Boston 2009.)

The dream is honestly nothing special but it leaves me feeling calm but not at peace. It makes me confused and I want to figure out what it might actually mean for me and my "future". I'm in a room full of Con goers, some in cosplay, some just milling about in everyday wear when in walks a bunch of voice actors after their panel lets out. A lot of the girls around me get all giggly and start pointing but I'm just minding my own business, sitting on this small bleacher, lazily flipping through a panel schedule. I look up in time to see people parting a bit to make room for Travis as he makes a beeline for me. He plops down in my vicinity and says hello as he starts rifling through a schedule of his own. I nod and offer him a "hey Trav" and then he starts asking me about my work out for the day, making sure I hit my mileage. I feel completely at ease with him like we're buddies but instead of talking work, we're talking about his Tri's and I'm teasing him about his mileage as well.

And then I wake up. I stare at the ceiling. There is only one way I would ever be on that level of comfortability with Mr. Willingham and it would be if I was in the same line of work and judging by my total lack of a fun in medical records, we're not. As cool as it would be to become a voice actor, I have no acting background and throwing my voice around with friends doesn't count. I think about my graphic novel that I would love to create only I can't draw and even my storyboards are pitiful. I just feel so trapped inside my head and I just can't get anything out and on paper. I haven't the time and when I have time, it evaporates before I even knew it was there.

Maybe I'm reading too much into the dream. Maybe Travis is just trying to tell me that I'm slacking in my training and to stop being a lazy ass. But I just can't shake that "at ease" feeling I had in the back of that room, like I belonged there, like I deserved to be there and be happy. I know how badly I want to finish this novel, I know it is an idea that hasn't been done before, I just don't know if I have what it takes to be successful.