It is hot as balls today. It is also hot as balls in this train, that is why I am sitting in a middle seat in one of the only air conditioned cars in order to get some relief (but mainly I am sitting here so I can rub my sweaty appendages all over Liz).
I get the text from my Lovah (as I am sticking to a window seat in a suffocating car) telling me she is on my train right now. She tells me she has an open seat next to her with my name on it. I ask her where she is located on the train and she says, "Towards the back." I consider myself at the end of the middle so she must be behind me. I start heading back there happy at the notion I will be in a cool place but as I walk further and further into the bowels of the train it gets hotter and hotter. Also, there is hardly anyone in these cars so I must be going in the wrong direction. I whip out my phone when I see I am in the second to last car.
"Did I pass you? Are you in the last car?"
I start heading back to where I was sitting and proceed to pass it. Apparently Liz and I have different meanings of "back of the train". I laugh and tell her I'm on my way. She tells me to please hurry because her car is packed and people are eyeing that open seat she is claiming is saved for a "friend". I understand her anxiety because commuters can be downright pushy when it comes to standing for 50 minutes. Hot commuters become freaking monsters when they think they have to stand for 50 minutes.
As I am illegally moving between train cars, I find one of the doors is locked. I panic. I tell Liz I'm stuck. She panics too. "Everyone is going to think I'm lying about saving this seat!"
"Fuck em," I say. I then hope that by some miracle I can make it up to her car so I can rescue her from these zombies.
By the time we hit Jamaica it gets so unbearably hot in here that they keep us in the station in order to open the doors between cars so some air can get in and alleviate some of the crazy stirring up. I take this opportunity to continue my trek to the front and as I pass Liz she calls out to me. I turn around to find her in a three seater and the look on the guy's face in the aisle seat when he realizes he has to sit next to a sweaty and smelly me is priceless.
Her car is cool, crowded, and absolutely silent. They're all glaring at me as I take the free seat and begin to catch up with Liz. We chat all the way to Amityville when we realize that our car has passed the station platform. I turn to Liz with a chuckle, "You realize the first two cars don't platform right?"
She laughs and we get up to move back a car so we can get out at the next two stations.
Looks like we really have two different definitions for "back of the train".
^_\
2 comments:
That was a FABULOUS train ride. Almost makes me wish I still did the commute.
Almost ;)
at least you finally found her--i definitely do not miss riding commuter trains --especially in the summer--at least fat women don't wear a whole bottle of "Evening in Paris" toilet water anymore--it used to be available for purchase in fine stores like Woolworths, Grant's and your friendly local pharamacies! Trust me good old body sweat smelled better than "an Evening in Paris"!
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