What would I do without you, Steve?

Day: One Hundred and Sixty Six

Photo taken on Friday, January 14, 2011 on the A platform of the Farmingdale train station at 609am.

Why on earth would I be back standing in the same spot I stood for three years when now I have an entirely different spot to stand in on a different line?

You know the answer to this one. You know it's been a tough morning already and you're not even up yet!

For some reason, Smithtown chose to be very secretive about shutting down Main Street this morning and any road that gets my ass to the train station on time. Luckily Steve is with me because he's taking Sai again today until the roads are completely ice-free, so he's there to try and cut off my panic of not making my train. I start losing it because the person in front of me is craaawwwling. CRAWLING! Because of this douchebag, I don't make my train but I try anyway. I bail out of the car and haul ass through a parking lot that leads to a dead end because I didn't see the tiny pathway they carved out to get to the other platform. But it doesn't matter, the train is too far down for me to sprint to anyway.

I start bawling.

I call Steve to tell him to come back and get me but so many roads are blocked he can't find his way back.

The panic starts setting in. There isn't a soul around, not even a taxi. The silence is deafening and the next train isn't coming through for another hour.

I'm hysterical. And scared.

Steve tries to coach me through my breathing so it doesn't turn into hyperventilating but I'm too angry for a panic attack. If Smithtown needed to do snow removal so bad that should have been announced to commuters last night on the LIRR. I would have allotted for more time this morning, especially since I jolted awake 14 minutes before my alarm went off anyway.

I keep turning in circles, checking my surroundings since I know only skells are out this hour, especially around train stations. I see a car pull up and I start darting the other way until Steve screams into the phone that it's him. I climb in and look away since I have tears streaming down my face and I'm blubbering like a fool. I feel completely out of control. I think of the work on my desk and my morning routine at the Surge. I start crying even harder and he just rubs my hand, telling me it will all be alright.

I start in that it's because I didn't finish my acne steps last night, that's why this happened. Steve says that's not true and that he is going to drop me off in Farmingdale on his way to work so I can catch the train I took for three years. It's familiar. It's safe. I know all the other commuters on "my car" and where they all sit. But I then think about the fact that now I have to go to Penn and come up on the C train and I start to worry that something bad is going to happen. While the obsessional thoughts creep in, Steve stops in Hess to fill up the tank I wanted to fill last night. I hop out to tell him I won't make the 6am from Farmingdale.

And we don't make it. We pull down the road that leads to the parking lot and I wave to the train as it pulls away. Now I'm petrified the day is going to turn ugly.

I get on the 609. I read a novel for most of the way there, in an aisle seat *shudder* in part of a six seater *shudder* but luckily no one sits in front or next to me.

Then the C train is there when I reach the platform.

Then the M86 is there when I come out of the subway.

I'm only 15 minutes later than normal.

Huh. Maybe it won't be so bad after all.