Hour Shower

Day: One Hundred and Fifty

Photo taken on Wednesday, December 29, 2010 in the living room at 1058pm.

When I am a wee one, I come bounding out of bath time one night and right up to Grandma Raab, waving my water-wrinkled fingers in front of her face. "Look Grahm! I'm just like you!" Looking back on it now, not such a nice thing to say, but I was five and had no filter and thought that was a perfectly normal thing to blurt out in conversation. I was a water rat all my life: pool, beach, bath, didn't matter what type of water it was you had to pull me out kicking and screaming. Now as an adult, I still love the beach and pool but I HATE showering. I may hate it but let me assure you, I take them daily.

My shower is a little different than yours. Where yours is a decent amount of time and relaxing, mine is long and torturous. Don't let my acne fool you (since it's caused by stress and constant heel-of-my-palm tapping), my hygiene routine is thorough and excessive. My worst compulsions are in the shower so everyday it's a battle I have to fight with myself to get in there. Once I'm in there, it is at least one hour before I am done. My friend, Mike M., once asked me if I ever have "fun" in the shower to which I replied, "the shower is a place of business." I'm too methodical to enjoy a shower: every turn is calculated and done the same each time, I wash my body parts in order, I shave a certain amount of strokes, I repeat the same hand patterns to get soap out of my hair well after the soap is out of my hair. If ever I start doing something out of order or God forbid, turn a different way, I have to start over (this rarely happens). Even Steve has become part of the showering process. When he's in there with me, he has to pass me a certain way facing a certain way or I freak. I think he's become so accustomed to it that he now showers the way I do.

Once the shower is over, the lotions, face meds, astringents, and moisturizers start. I have five different lotions for my body and three acne steps that follow. There have been some days that I break down crying because I am so tired of this routine but it's so imbedded in me that I can't stop. If I try to stop, the obsessional thoughts start up and then I find myself back to square one. I've been shaving every day since the age of 12. No joke. Every. Day. Sure we all miss a shower some days but I have make-up showers. I'll do two the next day and shave twice. It's sick I know, but I wanted to share why I take so long to get ready and still look like crap. It's not about looking good, it's about feeling clean enough to leave the bedroom.