Write to me, Sick Sickly

Day: Eighty Four

Photo taken on Sunday, October 24, 2010 on my side of the bed at 853am.

I am not a happy camper in this picture.

I am on the verge of tears as I lie in bed and watch the time tick away, knowing that I'm supposed to be somewhere right now but I don't have the strength to move.

543 I wake with a start. I'm sweating because I'm dreaming about the Blazing Trails race today and in my dream I'm late, close to missing out on participating. I realize my alarm is going to go off for this race in about 20 minutes and by the current state my body is in, I know I can't participate. Steve reassures me it's okay to miss a race and that even though I paid for it the money went for a good cause; I have to think of it that way so I do.

At 630 I jolt awake again and stare at the clock, thinking that if I get up now I can still make it. I sit up and shake my head at my thinking; I can barely stay in this position without slumping forward. I think about being a spectator instead but I honestly know what would happen if I tried that...I'd end up running.

I keep waking up in a panic, keep having dreams about missing various races for various reasons. Every time I look at the clock I think about what I would be doing if actually going to the race: right now we would be picking up Nick, right now I would be throwing my goody bag in the car, right now I would be eating my breakfast, right now I would be warming up with Christina, right now I would be stripping down to my tiny shorts. This goes on even after I find the strength to go get breakfast: right now I'd be three minutes into my first mile, right now I would be on pace to beat my 4 mile PR, right now I would have been done with the race for five minutes.

I so wanted to be there today, for Robyn, Allan, and the boys, to see all my teacher friends from Genesis, to run with Christina, to take a shot at placing in my category. It's truly a wonderful race with a challenging course and for a great cause. I wanted this to be the race that in 20 years I would still be running every October and say, "I've been running this since year one! Haven't missed a race!"

I hope the event had a wonderful turnout and that everyone had a fantastic time running or walking the tough course. You all were in my thoughts today!